LGBT Topics

A Mother’s Letter to the LGBT+ Community for Transgender Awareness Week

Hi! This is Katya and Tat’s mom Patte. Some know me (from the Gilmore Girl reactions) some don’t, but I’m here to write that my whole life even when I was young I accepted everyone and anyone. I am 57 years old and a lot of people my age need to be more open-minded and accepting of each other. They especially don’t accept people if it’s not in their “realm of understanding”. It’s why they need to work harder to have that understanding.

So for today to raise awareness about Transgender Awareness Week, I want to show my love and support! When I was in high school I won a “Friendliest Award” because I helped and accepted everyone no matter race, religion, or sexuality. To this day I still am like this. I love and accept all no matter what you believe, look like, or who you love. I am there for you!

When I was 13 years old I went to Washington, DC with my parents for a 4 Day Weekend to go to all the museums and enjoy. As we were crossing a street, there was a parade of people going on. At first, we got stuck walking with these people, but then realized it was a Walk for LGBT Rights parade to talk to the president and get more rights and support for the LGBT Community. Even at that age, I was happy to be able to be in the parade and march for those five minutes.

Anyhow, to this day and beyond I will accept everyone. Mom Advice of the Day:

Who you are, be proud! Never let go of how special you are. Because we are all different and to me, that is how we all should stand up for and for ourselves. Most importantly we should stand together out of love.

Love you all!

Band Decisions: My First Trip | All Ages of Geek

So if you read my bio, I mentioned how I got fired from my band for not wanting to drink or do drugs, and I’d explain it in the future. Well since it is the time of motivation here at All Ages Of Geek, I might as well explain my beginnings in the band all the way to the bitter end but the bright side in all of it.

I’d like to make an immediate disclaimer before we continue and say that I will not be mentioning names and the name of the band and will use false names, as I absolutely do not condone attacking anyone who is currently or used to be in the band as I’ve fully moved on since, and I already slammed the door behind me when the firing happened, so it’s best not to cause any issues as this is old tea that has since expired.

I graduated high school on the 25th of June and got my diploma in two days on the 27th, and I didn’t really have intentions to go to college yet as I wanted to take some time off, but it wasn’t long until my calling happened two weeks after graduation.

I got a message from the lead singer to join his band “Cold Shoulder” as their inaugural bass player, and as an 18-year-old, fresh as hell out of high school who’s been dying to start a band or find one, without hesitation, I joined. My first day of practice was the 16th of July, and the band consisted of Johnny, the lead singer, Andy the guitarist, Roger the drummer, whom I’ll talk about later in the story, and myself, the young bassist. The age gap between the four of us was pretty major since Roger was turning 28 in August, Johnny was turning 25, and Andy I think was turning 23, so from 18 to 28, major gap.

It was a speedy start because the next show the band had, was on the 22nd of July at The Bowery Electric, so I literally had 6 days to learn all of the songs we were performing that night, and add my spin on it to give the band a wholly unique sound for the show, and would you guess it, I nailed it, and the crowd couldn’t believe that an 18-year-old kid, fresh outta high school could play as well as I could. It was a feeling I never experienced before, even though I was in a school band, rocking my five-string and my pre-stickered Thunderbird bass since I was 15, but it was something completely different, as it was a feeling I wasn’t gonna experience again.

August came around, and after a second successful show, we found out that we were gonna record our first singles together, which both are currently still on YouTube, as the songs are “Little Things” and “Back Against The Ropes.” I documented the experience as well on my YouTube channel, and we spent 20 combined hours in the studio working our asses off to make these two songs the best songs ever… but a dark cloud began to loom over while that recording process was being done on day two.

There’s really no way around it, but I got peer pressured into smoking weed. This was from the band, yes, but it was mostly Johnny and his friends who were putting in most of the pressure onto me, even when I was saying no. I just did it so it can shut them up, and that didn’t really help much. After the recording was done, Johnny invited me to his place to watch the GGG vs Canelo 2 fight that went on, and that’s pretty much where I saw his true colors. He wanted me to do more than just weed, as he also had mushrooms, and cocaine, which his comments before he did a line were “this is a big boy’s thing Dio, you’ll be able to do this when you’re older.”

This is where regret started to immediately set in.

We were back to doing shows in October with an acoustic set at The Parkside Lounge, and that was the last time I decided to smoke weed, as I wanted to get a job, but really, I was beginning to rethink my decisions and leave the band some time in the new year, and I was gonna focus on college as I had applied to start going in January. After another successful show at The Bowery Electric in November, we, unfortunately, found out that Andy would be leaving the band after our next show in December, and unfortunately, that was the show where we ended up flopping really hard, due to it being a cold night in Brooklyn, the fact that it was a local coffee shop, and we played last, and no one was there besides one of Johnny’s friends. And after that, haven’t talked to Andy since.

Joey was going to be the new replacement in the band and our new comrade in the band, stepping in for the departure of Andy, and he was a damn good guitarist. He was 20 years old and he was gonna turn 21 in April, and he had one hell of a dedication because he would travel from New Jersey to come to rehearsals, but unfortunately, he was no different than Johnny when it came to drugs and alcohol. The final show I performed in was at Arlene’s Grocery, on the 19th of January, 9 days before I turned 19. Now, footage of this show has since been deleted from the band’s YouTube channel, which I’d assume it’s to erase any existence of me and Jack as he’s no longer part of the band either, but I do have one song on Google Docs that I will be uploading to YouTube, which is the only remaining footage of me being a part of the band.

This show was riddled with issues, from my bass strings not being that good in my honest opinion, the sound guy was simply an idiot, and when I upload the video, my bass was completely inaudible for most of the song. Talk about getting the Jason Newsted treatment. Joey himself said that he wanted to “kick the sound guy’s ass” for messing up his sound, which I advised him not to as it would ruin any opportunity of the band making a second show at Arlene’s. After the show, I went back to Johnny’s place for his little after-party and played Smash with his friend, and this was where I had fully decided that I wasn’t gonna stay in the band anymore, as drugs and alcohol were everywhere. Mushrooms, Coke, Amphetamines, Ecstasy, Acid, Weed, you name it. All we needed was Ketamine and Meth and we’d be in a trailer park hoedown hootenanny in a barn in the middle of Nowhere, Alabama.

I had to make this a little bit funny.

After all the commotion died down, it was pretty much just me, Joey, and one of Johnny’s sisters and Johnny wanted to find someone to have sex with because his sister’s had some sort of argument. Yeah, that just shows why I wanted to bail. After spending an extra half hour at the place, I pretty much told Joey and Johnny’s sister about my bisexuality (which has since shifted to pansexuality), that I never told anyone at the time, and they welcomed me with open arms about it. I decided to leave a bit afterward because, well, Jack wanted to get down and dirty with Johnny’s sister, so basically, bro code, and I didn’t want to break it, so I obliged. Joey’s last words to me before I left were “I love you man, I won’t tell anyone” and I went home after that.

On February 9th, I got fired from the band by Johnny, as he called me and said: “I’m going through a different creative direction, and I’m gonna have to let you go.” Keep in mind, he said “I’m” not “I was talking to Roger” or “I talked to the others” “I’m”. After hearing about getting fired, I told my friends about it and saying how it honestly sucks that I got fired, but I forgot who the friends I told this to were. My friend Randy rather quickly went on to YouTube and voiced his displeasure of Johnny of my firing, criticized his lack of singing abilities and praising the talent that I, along with Roger and Joey had, while my friend Samantha only criticized the audio problems throughout the footage.

Around 11 at night that same time, Johnny called me in a high and/or drunken fit of rage about my friends comments, even going to lengths calling me “a self-absorbent piece of shit” and ridiculing me about my mental health, as I posted stuff on Instagram about my mental struggles, telling me “I’m fucked up in the head, and that I need help” which didn’t help because that plunged me into an even deeper depression knowing that he never cared about me. I’ve since made two posts on Instagram completely exposing him for his actions, as I wanted to speak up about it instead of staying silent about it. I hadn’t said a single bad word about him throughout my time in the band, and I respected him throughout my tenure there, even if the things he did were questionable, that moment where he disrespected me, he had lost all of my respect for him as a musician, a bandmate, and as a person. At this point, I had wanted to give up as a musician, and I was even contemplating on selling my basses. It’s probably the lowest I’ve ever been in my life.

“Hey dude. Sorry about the way shits gone down the past week. For what it’s worth, just wanted to say you’re a damn good bassist/musician. Bands come and go (I’ve been in like 8 myself) but don’t ever stop playing music! A good bass player is hard to come by, so I hope this whole thing doesn’t discourage you.”

Those were Roger’s last words to me in a text he sent me a week after I got fired. To know that he messaged me after all of the hate and anger I had aimed towards both Johnny and Joey, it pretty much made me breakdown knowing that he cared about me, even after I spoke up about what happened. I haven’t spoken to him since as I’ve distanced myself from anyone who associates with the band, but I absolutely respect Roger for being a professional and handling it properly and telling me to not stop playing music. Thanks a ton, Roger, you’re the man.

Since then, I’ve been on a musical hiatus, but my creativity has no boundaries as I do plan to start up a project or two in the future, as I don’t plan on giving up on music. What I’ve learned from this, is be careful in who you trust, because sometimes, that person you look up to can be your worst nightmare. But even through all those issues, not only do you have to enjoy the little things but even when your backs are against the ropes, you’ll have someone by your side, giving you words and encouragement, to never give up on what you love.

All Ages of Geek’s Newest Writer Introducing Kayleigh (Kai) McRae

Hello fellow geeks and mafia members, welcome to my first article for All Ages of Geek. And today’s focus is none other than the 25-year-old college woman with a lot of free time, abundant depression, and a craving for anything covered in cheese, or snuggling with my Chiweenie Sugar whenever I’m too lazy to get out of bed. By popular demand, you have asked for me to introduce myself to all of you and now you are all stuck with me, welcome to my mind, don’t forget to leave a tip. So let’s get everything out of the closet where my sexuality used to stay and get this walking disaster under a microscope.

My Inner Geek

​For as long as I can remember I have had a large fascination with media, games, and literature. In my childhood, you would find me with my nose in a book, writing up future book projects, or gushing over my favorite television shows. Some examples are television shows such as Avatar: The Last Airbender, Invader Zim, Generator Rex, Teen Titans, and many more. 

I can’t give an example for books I’ve read because I’ve read thousands throughout my life, but the genres I am drawn to most are, anything with fantasy, original worlds, and extreme character diversity and charm. Or even things from a point of view you would never think of. The more out of the norm the better in my book. Which is also what got me into things like RWBY as well. I don’t want to ramble about games yet we can save that for another day. 

My personal projects also follow this pattern which I think is what lead me to like Katya so much and connecting with her the way I have. I’m sure many of you can relate.

How I found Katya

​Alright so long story short, I am the sort of person who enjoys seeing other people react to or experience the same things as me. It gives me a sense of connection to the world around me. And as an introverted young adult, of course, the internet became my obsessive addiction, like my mother and her feelings towards root-beer, and the piles of empty twelve pack cartons on the dining room table. Katya Stec met all of those requirements, my socially starved brain latched to her channel, like a parade of lovable puppies that I let run me over in excitement and cuteness. I started watching Kat when she was reacting to the Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared series, and her Detroit: Become Human let’s play series. And once she got into RWBY, I was too far gone to be saved, I was already in that corner of the neighborhood owned by our don. And I signed my contract in blood and started sporting the colors. 

RWBY is a show I have a huge attachment to, not just with it’s story and characters, but with being an anchor for me when I was at my lowest and most lost. It saved me, and funny enough upon finding Katya I was dangling from that edge again. But her videos gave me confidence and strength, and her words always seemed to give me a boost when I felt I would lose my grip on everything. I may be dramatic but this is the truth, and I know there are others like me in this mafia. Katya’s message struck a chord with me. Like a flash of lightning to a lightning rod. Fandom positivity! And what it means to be part of a community where you will not be attacked based on any theory, ship, or preference. And also the fact that she also has struggles that she had to overcome. And I am so glad she seems to have found her stride. And I will be running beside her.

My Story

But okay, you asked to learn more about me. Not just interests and hobbies. But what makes me human. Well here is the summary of the life of the formless blob known as Kayleigh McRae, and how she became a they, and how the journey began and where it leads.

As a young tiny bean, (yes Kat I know you are reading this.) I didn’t have many friends. In fact, most of my school experience was one bully routine to another. The time I was supposed to grow and learn, the time I was meant to make friends and socialize. I was isolated, alienated, and made an outsider. Why was I targeted you ask? No idea. But it really affected me. From the physical tortures such as hair pulling, pinching, pushing, even so far as locking me away into closets or bathroom stalls. To vocal jeers, about my appearance, my background, my behavior, my skills made into things to be ashamed of. My voice snuffed out. It got to the point where I moved from school to school. But the bullying seemed to follow. When you find that no one wants to give you a chance. When you are ignored, betrayed, strung along, played with, and abandoned. Trying to hold on to even one friend at a time. It makes you hate yourself. And sadly, it was exactly this sort of treatment as well as home issues that lead to me having Complex Personality Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder.

I spent my free time reading, trying to escape the real world, it was so bad that I didn’t feel human. I even wondered if I was there at all. Which as a child is the worst sort of state you can be in. Constantly afraid, constantly on edge. Constantly wondering if today is the day your friends finally decide to leave because they are tired of you. And I still do.

(TRIGGER WARNING: for anyone with depression or any mental illness be prepared I’m about to share things that can be triggering to some.)

As I said I am in college and for the past three years my scars that I’ve tried to hide from over 20 years of abuse, at the hands of people I was supposed to look to as peers and friends, reopened. Suddenly I couldn’t handle the strain. I found myself isolating myself, avoiding doing anything but sleep. I would wake up at night and suddenly want to pull my hair and bash my head into walls. I had severe panic attacks and severe anxiety. Sprinkled together with a part-time job, commuting, and a 30-hour course load. I just started giving in. And I ended up…contemplating ending it all. But then would be overwhelmed with the guilt of the thought and then the self-hatred would start. And it would be like this on loop. While trying to juggle my adult life. I couldn’t escape into books or making stories anymore. I was questioning my sexuality and preference at the time. Discovering past friendships that I wanted to be more than friendships only to see those people get together with others, and keeping silent. But I proudly can say now is that I am nonbinary/demisexual, and dating my amazing girlfriend. But at the time I was scared to come out, and that didn’t make anything better.

If you wonder why I didn’t reach out, I didn’t feel I was worth the effort. And why not confide in my mom? Well, I am a very emotional person, and my mother was a single parent. Kids cry, and my mom never realized how hard it could be. I wouldn’t let her, I didn’t want to hurt the other kids. Yes, it was a sort of Stockholm syndrome I had for my attackers. Not that she didn’t know a good deal of what happened, like me coming home crying every day of the year, but after a while, I started hiding the abuse from her. I didn’t want to burden my mother with my problems. Yes, I know it is her job as a mother, but she was the only person who loved me for me and I wasn’t going to let my problems hurt that.

But this story does have a happy path ahead. I am finally letting myself be myself, and discover myself in many ways. I am making friends, some from this very community. And thanks to Kat I can write again. And now, I hope my voice can help others. Either with stories that can take you away from the pain you experience, or as a hand to grasp when the world turns an eye. Be strong, be positive, and most importantly be yourself.

Anyways thank you for reading, and thus we conclude my introduction. Please feel free to tweet me at @FilmGeekGoddess on Twitter. And find me on the All Ages of Geek Discord as GeekGoddess2.0.